


Wet Naps

by Darknightjess (orphan_account), jay_linden



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-18
Updated: 2009-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 07:43:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Darknightjess, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jay_linden/pseuds/jay_linden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for the <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/community/anglicandoorway/">Anglican Doorway</a> ficathon.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Wet Naps

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Anglican Doorway](http://www.livejournal.com/community/anglicandoorway/) ficathon.

Elijah shook his head sideways, digging in his ear with the end of the towel. "I swear, between sand and water, I've got a pound of crap in my ears."

"Don't do that," Orlando swatted Elijah's hand away from his ear. "Don't you know you're not supposed to put anything in your ear but your elbow?"

"My elbow? Orlando, how the fuck do I put my elbow in my ear?" Elijah grinned and reached for his cigarettes, lighting one. Taking a deep drag he squinted through the smoke. "Where the fuck's Viggo? And where'd Dom get to?"

"That's the point you stupid bastard- you're not supposed to put anything in your ear, including your elbow. My mom just used to say it that way." Orlando leaned against the hood of the car, squinting down the beach. "I have no idea where Dom went, but last I saw Viggo, he was heading that way, camera in tow," Orlando pointed, a strange smile on his face.

Elijah quirked an eyebrow at Orlando then knuckled him in the chest. "Hey. What the fuck?"

"Hey!" Orlando scowled, swatting away Elijah's hand again. "Just because that's only as high up as you can reach doesn't mean you should do it."

Elijah flipped Orlando off and then flicked his cigarette away, scowling at the Brit. "I asked you a question. What the hell was that fucking puppy look about? Hmmm?" Elijah asked with a rather nasty smile as he rocked on his toes.

"Puppy look? I didn't have a 'puppy look'," Orlando scoffed, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

Elijah looked at Orlando a second, then his gaze flicked to a man that was walking toward them, he grinned and then said, "Sorry, I must of been mistaken. Oh look there's Viggo now. Wonder why he took his shirt off, huh." He said, eyes on Orlando.

Orlando's head dropped instantly forward, his eyes snapping open, only to narrow almost instantly. "I hate you. You know that, right?" he said through his teeth at Elijah.

"Oh, am I missing hating Elijah time?" Dom asked as he walked toward them.

Elijah bent forward, snickering. "Oh this is too fucking good. Come on man, admit it. Confession, good for the soul and all that crap." He continued to laugh.

Dom looked between the two of them. "What the hell are you two talking about?"

"Nothing- we're talking about nothing!" Orlando glared at Elijah, giving him a slap upside the head when he didn't shut up.

"Ow, fucker." Elijah said. "Just for that." He stepped back quickly and turned to Dom. "Guess who has a crush on Viggo? Hmm?"

"I do not! Fuck, Elijah- could you sound more like a twelve year old girl!" Orlando folded his arms and scowled.

"Yeah, actually I could, wanna hear?" Elijah asked nodding seriously before laughing again.

Dom looked at Orlando and grinned. "You might as well put an advert in the paper, Orlando. Because if you're obvious enough that Elijah here discovered your secret, it's only a matter of time before - well everyone knows." Dom nodded happily.

"No, it won't be a matter of time before everyone knows, because there's nothing for everyone to be knowing in the first place, and if Elijah keeps his mouth shut," Orlando glared at Elijah before looking back at Dom, "then there won't even have to be any confusion about what anyone thinks they know they know. Y'know?"

Dom started laughing harder. Elijah lit another cigarette and pointed it at his tall dark-haired friend. "Yeah, I fucking rest my case. Could you be any more obvious? So does he know? How does he feel? C'mon inquiring minds want to know."

Dom bobbed his head in agreement.

"Inquiring minds want to know what?" A voice drawled from behind Elijah.

Elijah began to choke, laughing and sputtering. Dom, himself snorting in laughter, thumped the younger man on the back, seemingly trying to help, but instead causing the slight young man to stumble into Orlando.

"Gedoff!" Orlando said and grabbed at Elijah to steady him. "Bastards." He hissed.

"Here," Viggo reached out, taking Orlando by the arm and pulling him upright, getting him to settle. "That better?"

"Yeah - I - thanks." Orlando said and ducked his head, cutting his eyes at Elijah.

"What?" Elijah asked, the picture of wide-eyed innocence.

Through his snickers, Dom finally said, "I'm driving. Elijah, sit up front with me?"

"No!" Orlando said quickly, "I get gunshot."

Elijah snorted out a laugh. "Shotgun, not gun shot. I won't say bloody and wanker - you don't try and use American slang."

Orlando shot him a dirty look.

"Gun shot or shot gun, he called it," Viggo pointed out with a chuckle. "And he beat you to it, Elijah."

"Thanks Vig." Orlando said, causing another round of snickers from Elijah. "Juvenile." Orlando said with a sniff and climbed in the car.

Dom started the car and Elijah crawled in and leaned over the seat, fiddling with the radio dials. "Music!" He crowed and flipped the knobs, until he found a good song.

Viggo let Elijah find the station, then leaned forward and turned the volume down from where Elijah had it blasting. "You may have lost all your hearing, but the rest of us might have a little bit left we want to maintain," he argued, laughing at the look of outrage on Elijah's face.

"God you're old." Elijah muttered then grinned, pushing down in the seat and tapping on his knee with the beat.

Orlando had began to hum, he was leaning against the door, one arm out the window and cheek resting on his shoulder as the wind rushed past.

"I've heard the roars of indignation coming from Ian's side of the trailer, and I know how bad you are," Viggo said, leaning back in the seat, becoming distracted as he watched Orlando, wishing he'd not put his camera in the trunk.

Orlando held his arm out, palm flat into the wind. Humming slightly under his breath he swooped his hand, letting it ride the air currents, fighting against the thrust of the wind. He thought of Viggo and the warmth of his hand when he had touched him. A smile curved across his lips as he cut his hand back and forth in the wind.

Viggo caught just the edge of Orlando's smile, his own echoing it. He raised his hand where it was resting on his leg, his fingers unconsciously mirroring Orlando's, swaying back and forth.

Movement caught his eye and Elijah looked over at Viggo. He flicked his gaze to Orlando and a small smile quirked his lips. _Advert in the paper not needed_. He shifted, grinning.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Elijah chewed on the end of the pen. "Okay. So for this gay stuff - they're gonna need condoms, lubricant." He looked up at Dom, forehead creased. "What kind of lubricant? Like when you jack off? Lotion? Or vaseline? Or oil?"

Dom looked vaguely scandalized. "No! And- Elijah, I really don't want to think about what you use when you wank. Oil? That can't be healthy... plus it would stain!"

"I'd imagine there are worse - well - stain things." Elijah muttered and chewed on the pen again. "Okay. Here, water, condoms, lubricant," He snickered and squirmed at the word. "Um.." He chewed on the pen. "Oh! Sandwiches maybe. They might get hungry. Wet Wipes? Will they need - you know - cleaning supplies?" He looked at Dom again.

Dom cocked his head to the side and looked at Elijah. "Your mother carried those handi-nap things in her purse and never once cleaned your face off with spit on a napkin, did she?"

"Spit! No!" Elijah looked at Dom, a shocked look on his face. "Ew!"

Dom shook his head, sighing and clucking his tongue. "You child stars miss all the important parts about growing up. You want to get those hand-wipe things, it's up to you, but I'd just rather not think about it all that much, thank you."

Elijah made a harrumphing noise and turned back to his list. "Okay, so this'll work. They'll be here in what - three hours? Plenty of time to shop for this gay sex supplies stuff." He grinned up at Dom.

"You're a little frightening, you know that? All right- meet me back here in two hours."

~~~~~~~~~~

Elijah pounded down the stairs, bags in hand. He skidded to a stop. "Dom! Man, wait'll you see what all I got."

"Finally!" Dom turned around, his hands on his hips. "You're late- you realize they're going to be here in a little over an hour," he said sternly.

"What?" Elijah asked, genuinely perplexed. "Look what all I got and you'll forgive me." He dumped out the bag with a flourish and grinned. "Look!" He held up a box of glow in the dark condoms. "They glow! How cool is that?"

"You bought glow and the dark condoms?" Dom raised an eyebrow. "For _Viggo_?"

"Well, uh... Orlando could use em. He'd need em. Or would - uh - hmm .." Elijah stopped, nose wrinkled. "You know what? I don't want to really think about it that much. They can blow them up and wear them on their heads for all I care. As long as they figure out that both freakin' _like_ each other!"

"And how come you went and bought condoms? I bought the condoms and stuff," Dom said, lifting a brown paper bag off of the freezer and placing it on the table. "Besides, you were the one who was all 'ooh, we need wet naps so they can tidy up afterwards, don't get dainty on me now, 'lijah."

"Well I got wet naps too." Elijah sniffed. "And you told me to get the supplies. Oh and I got some of that lube that warms up. I figured that'd be pretty cool, huh?" He looked in Dom's bag. "Well, they're protected for sex." He grinned. "This is going to be great."

"I didn't tell you to get the... okay, forget it, we're running out of time," Dom checked his watch. "Okay, so lets go over the plan... they arrive, we send them to the basement to get more ice, we close the door and lock them in here..."

"Yeah and then..." Elijah said expectantly.

Silence reigned for a few more moments. "Elijah, you were supposed to figure out how we get them to admit they like each other, remember?"

"No. I was to get the supplies. I distinctly remember. Dominic, I've been memorizing things since I was a little kid. I think I can remember a simple plan." Elijah said, hands on hips as he stared at Dom.

"No, I was to plan the first bit- the bit I just said, and I was supposed to get the supplies, you were to pick up chips and dip, and plan how we got them to admit they liked each other," Dom insisted, more frustrated.

"We've got chips and salsa upstairs, and some of those cake things." Elijah nodded, grinning, then frowned. "Uh, I don't remember having to come up with the plan."

"Well, you were!" Dom huffed, folding his arms. "So you're telling me we have Viggo and Orlando showing up within the hour, no plan, and glow-in-the-dark condoms coming out our arses?" Dom paused. "That could have been phrased better."

Elijah looked at Dom, eyebrows at his hairline. "I should say it could have." He said, blinking. "Fuck it, we've got an hour. We're smart guys, we'll figure it out!"

"Of course we will... an hour, that's plenty of time!" Dom assured him, just wanting to move past the condoms-in-arse remark, if nothing else.

Elijah grinned and sprinted back up the stairs.

~~~~~~~~

".. so.. then I told him I'd bloody well do it if he would. Right? And you'd do it, yeah?" Orlando said to Dom as he leaned against the counter.

"Do what?" Elijah asked.

"Sky dive. You'd go right?" The dark eyed man asked, nodding.

"The fuck I would." Elijah said and opened a beer.

"I don't know, Orlando," Dom looked skeptical. "Bungee jumping was one thing, but sky diving... and Peter'd have your arse for it. Maybe Bean'll go," he added, looking innocent.

"Shite!" Orlando spit the mouthful of beer that he had. "Bean, skydiving. Fuck mate, I'd pay good money to see someone just suggest that to him." He laughed.

Elijah grinned at Orlando. "You could ask Viggo. He'd probably go - if you asked him."

"How much money?" Dom perked up, turning as the doorbell rang. "Speak of the ranger..."

Orlando stood up straight and licked his lips. "Viggo."

Elijah looked over at him and cocked an eyebrow. "Want a breath mint?"

Orlando flipped Elijah off. "Wanker."

"Is... anyone going to answer the door?" Dom looked pointedly at Orlando. "Because he's... still standing out there."

"It's not my house!" Orlando said, fidgeting with his beer.

"Jesus." Elijah mumbled and stomped to the front door and opened it, grinning at the man standing there. "Hey Vig! C'mon in."

"Hey, Elijah," Viggo smiled back, handing him a bag with a few six packs of beer. "Sorry, they didn't have any that were chilled."

Elijah's smiled widened, eyes sparkling. "Oh no problem Viggo. We've got ice in the basement. There's a cooler down there." He fluttered his lashes at the man. "Maybe you could go get it? Hmm?"

Viggo gave Elijah a bit of a strange look. _Is Elijah hitting on me?_ "Sure... so you need ice and the cooler- I can get that."

"It's heavy, maybe Orlando should go help?" Elijah said as they walked into the kitchen.

"Hi Viggo." Orlando said, smiling. "Go help with what?"

"Orlando," Viggo nodded, smiling back, a bit relieved that it seemed Elijah didn't want to help him in the basement. "Elijah wants me to get ice and a cooler from the basement for the beer... apparently this is a manly men thing, and since there's only you and me who qualify..."

Orlando giggled, nose wrinkling and Elijah said, "Oh yeah, that's manly." He snorted out a laugh. Orlando shot him a dirty look and moved toward the stairs.

Viggo shook his head, unable to hide a grin as he hit the light and headed downstairs. "All right, the freezer is obvious enough," he murmured, heading over to it. "Orlando, how about you find that cooler."

Orlando looked over in the far corner and spotted a beat up cooler. "There - " He was interrupted by the slamming of the door, and snorting giggles from the other side of it.

"What the hell are they doing?" Orlando mumbled and looked at Viggo.

"Did they just..." Viggo looked at Orlando, then up the stairs, closing the freezer. "Elijah? Dominic?"

"Who's there?" Elijah called in a singsong voice.

Orlando took the stairs two at a time and beat on the door. "What the bloody hell are you two doing? Open up!"

"I'm afraid, Mister Bloom, that we will be unable to comply with that request," Dom said, using the poshest of all posh British accents.

"Yeah. What he said." Elijah said between snorts of laughter. He looked at Dom. "So, now do we tell them to fuck?"

Dom hit Elijah in the arm, trying to keep a straight face. "I'm afraid, gentlemen, that until you remove your heads from your arses and attempt to replace them with something a little more... well, you get the idea, we will not be able to release you." Dom finally broke out laughing.

Elijah giggled and pulled Dom toward the kitchen.

Orlando beat on the door. "You guys aren't funny!" He yelled out. He turned to look at Viggo. "Make them open the door."

"Elijah," Viggo's voice was low and dangerous. "You might want to consider what the consequences will be when you eventually _do_ open this door. Also bear in mind that my sword is in my car, and if you let us out right now, I will seriously consider _not_ using it on you both. That means you too, Dominic."

Elijah looked at Dom, eyes wide. "He wouldn't really would he? I mean Pete would kill him, wouldn't he?"

Dom waved his hand dismissively. "Nah, he wouldn't kill ya. Frodo's pretty irreplaceable at this point. Might maim you a little, but I'd say it's worth it. Nice try, Viggo!" Dom yelled at the door. "You two are staying in there until you sort things out. C'mon, Elijah," Dom said, now his turn to pull Elijah towards the kitchen.

"Viggo, I'm sorry. I didn't have any idea they were going to pull this shite." Orlando looked at the older man, a blush staining his cheeks.

"Believe me, I wasn't assuming that you had," Viggo headed back down the stairs, not sure that looking directly at Orlando would be a good idea right now. "Shouldn't there be a window or a door... some way out of here?"

Orlando trailed after him. As he walked around the room, he tugged on his shirt and chewed his lip nervously. Finally he spotted the bags on the table. "What's that?"

"I don't know," Viggo headed over, peeking in the bag then crumpling it shut again. "Oh I do not believe them!" he exclaimed, glaring up the stairs.

"What?" Orlando plucked at the bag, opening it and looking in. His head snapped up. "Is that a bag of condoms, lube and.." He looked back in and blanched, "And wet naps?"

"Apparently so," Viggo rolled his eyes. "Glow in the dark, I see... Elijah must have done the shopping."

"Bloody hell." Orlando rubbed his chin. "Glow in.. and how many are in there? How long did they think we'd be here? I mean after a while you have to rest a bit, yeah?"

"He's what, eighteen? If I'm remembering eighteen correctly, recovery time wasn't that much of a factor then," Viggo sighed, leaning against the deep freeze. "Of course, neither was stamina."

Orlando glanced at Viggo, blush deepening. He looked over at Viggo, head cocked, a grin on his face. "Stamina huh?" He grinned wider. "So, how do we get out of here?"

Viggo paused a moment, his eyes closing as he realized what he'd said. "Oh fuck," he muttered. "Okay, yes, getting out of here, let's talk about that," he rushed.

"Well, you're the brains of the bunch, yeah? Rescue us." Orlando said. "I mean other than telling them we shagged. Of course, they might want proof."

Viggo snorted, then paused, silent. He slowly turned towards Orlando, a wicked smile on his face.

Orlando backed up, eyes wide. "What?"

"I think," Viggo grinned harder, "that we should give Mr. Monaghan and Mr. Wood what they want."

"Um," Orlando licked his lips and tried to will his cock to not go completely hard. "I beg your pardon?"

"Well, they said they aren't letting us out of here until, well, I'm not about to repeat their words," Viggo rolled his eyes again. "But it was clear that they aren't letting us out of here until they're satisfied, which I believe involves us being somehow 'satisfied', if I'm taking the giant bag of condoms, lubes and wet naps at face value. Of course, the real trick is how do we make Elijah and Dom believe it."

Orlando started laughing, then placed the back of his hand against his forehead and in a falsetto voice said, "Oh Viggy, oh yeah - that's it - right there." He started laughing and clapped his hand over his mouth.

"Shhh!" Viggo cautioned, raising his finger to his lip and hushing Orlando. "Have to play it straight!" he insisted, letting out a snort as he realized what he'd said and covering his own mouth.

Orlando quirked an eyebrow at Viggo, snickering and moving up the stairs. He moved to the door and crooked a finger at the other man. Using his full body he pushed back against the door, rattling it in the frame, he let out a low moan.

Viggo nodded, following him up the stairs and moaning in echo, keeping it subtle. "Why didn't you tell me how you felt before?" he said in a loud whisper, hoping it would carry.

Orlando groaned and bumped the door again. "I - I didn't think you felt the same way." He bit back a giggle, even though somewhere deep inside the words cut through him - way too close to the truth. "Oh god Viggo. I - I didn't know." He grinned and flapped his hand at the other man.

"Elijah!" Dom hissed, coming back from the bathroom and purposely passing by the door to the basement. "C'mon, you have to hear this," he insisted, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door.

Elijah stumbled after Dom, stopping and leaning in. "Damn.." He whispered.

"Shhh," Viggo murmured, scratching his nails down along the door, doing a slightly better job at keeping in control than Orlando had. "Don't worry about it. At least we're here now. That is... are you sure this is what you want?"

"Please Vig." Orlando said, stifling a laugh.

Elijah snickered.

Viggo glared at Orlando a moment, then smirked. "This almost doesn't feel real, like it's going to dissolve or fade away. Please, prove it's not real, Orlando?" Viggo leaned closer to the door, having heard Elijah snickering on the other side. "Fuck me."

Elijah's eyes flew wide and he grabbed Dom's arm.

Orlando squeezed his eyes shut, tears forming from holding in the laughter. He took a deep breath and in a clear voice, said, "I want you so bad, here now." Orlando tugged Viggo until he was against the door. "Lemme see you naked."

Viggo let his back hit the door with a loud 'thump', mouthing 'you want me naked, huh?' to Orlando and smirking. He gestured to his zippered jacket, hissing loudly as he undid the zip, rustling the cloth a few moments before letting it fall to the ground with a soft thump.

Dom stared at Elijah. "Did you hear that?" he hissed under his breath. "That was a zipper opening, if ever I've heard one!"

Elijah nodded, eyes wide.

Orlando squinted at Viggo, grinning. He placed his hands on either side of Viggo's head and scratched at the wood and moaned a bit, low in his throat. "Oh god Vig, I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," Viggo promised. "There's lube in that bag, I saw it... and you'd never hurt me. Orlando, please?" Viggo pleaded more, rubbing his back against the door, slowly. 'Down the stairs and back up again.' Viggo mouthed.

Orlando nodded and pounded down the stairs. He grabbed one of the bags and ran back up the stairs, scrabbling in it loudly before standing and holding a box of condoms aloft. "Got em!" He said, trying to not snort when he looked at his hand and realized he had grabbed the glow in the dark ones.

Elijah nudged Dom, eyebrows waggling.

"Orlando, please- don't make me wait any longer," Viggo said, his voice low and desperate, rolling his eyes at the condoms.

"Oh, shut up... they could just as easily be the ones I picked," Dom whispered back.

"Hold on angel, I'm here." Orlando said and bumped the door. "God! So tight, so hot. God! Viggo!" Orlando cried out, as he had to lean forward to bury his face in Viggo's shoulder to stop the laughter.

Viggo's eyes went wide, only just remembering that he should probably respond to Orlando's 'penetration', letting out a cry. "Angel? Fucking Angel- where the hell did you come up with that?" he hissed into Orlando's ear, close enough that his lips brushed the skin.

Dom's jaw dropped. "They did NOT just... did they?" he hissed at Elijah, staring at the door in shock.

The warm breath against his skin made Orlando stutter a second, blinking before he remembered to react. He moaned and grunted a bit and then looked at Viggo, a smile on his face. "Oh Vig, so good - ohhhhh - I can't last - needed you too bad." He said loudly and then whispered. "What? Angel is a perfectly good pet name." He snickered again.

Elijah stepped back, face white. "Oh my god. They are fucking. Right there." He pointed at the door.

Viggo narrowed his eyes. "Oh, you are so going to pay for that. If either one of them ever calls me Angel..." he turned back to the door, pitching his voice louder. "So close, Tiger, so fucking close- let me fuck your hand, please!" Viggo cried out again, banging his head against the door by accident, wincing.

"Tiger?" Orlando mouthed and then laughed out when Viggo hit his head, covering it as a loud groan. "Yes! God, come with me, yes - come now! Ohhh!" Orlando hollered out and scrabbled at the door, thumping it rhythmically for a second.

"YES!" Viggo yelled, still rubbing his head and scowling, following the cry with a long groan, sagging against the door. "Oh fuck, Orlando, so good," he gasped, raising his arm and wiping his forehead off with his sleeve, in no real hurry to move from being practically pinned against the wall by Orlando.

Dom shook his head, backing away from the door. "I'm going to need therapy. Lots and lots of therapy," he said darkly. "And it's all _your_ fault!" he hissed at Elijah.

Elijah was standing with his hands on his hips. "Well I didn't think they'd just drop 'trou' right there against the door - for the love of god!"

Orlando draped himself over Viggo shoulder, entire body shaking with silent laughter. His lips were sore where he was biting them to keep from snorting out loud. He turned his head and spoke into Viggo's ear. "God that was good _angel_." He huffed out a quiet laugh.

"You and your glow and the dark condoms and wet naps!" Dom shuddered again. "I'm going to the kitchen to have a beer, scrub out my brain, and ... yeah." He shook his head, turning to walk away

"I hope they wet nap the door at least." Elijah mumbled.

"I don't wanna know!" Dom turned around and smacked him one.

"Should I let them out?"

"Of course you should fucking let them out! And we'll just hope that Viggo doesn't kill after mating."

"Angel, Christ," Viggo snorted, shaking his head, his arms wrapped loosely around Orlando. "If that sticks, I really might have to kill you."

"Well that's a comforting thought." Elijah reached and unlocked the door, scurrying away quickly.

At the click of the lock, Orlando turned his head on Viggo's shoulder. "I think they bought it." He said, smiling.

"Thank god. You don't think they'll spread this around, do you? What made them decide to do it in the first place?" Viggo wondered aloud, his fingers idly teasing at the fabric to Orlando's shirt.

Orlando sighed, shifting against Viggo, thinking he should move - any second now. "Um - who knows? They're daft." He said.

"Yeah," Viggo said, frowning a little and looking at Orlando. "So you don't... never mind. I think that went well, don't you?"

Orlando lifted his face, brow creased. "I don't - what?" He asked softly.

Viggo's frown deepened to confusion. "You don't... wait, do you?"

"Do you?"

"I..." Viggo bit his lip. "One of us has to say it... or not. If there's anything to... okay, maybe it would just be easier if we pretended to fuck against the door again. At least then we weren't feeling awkward or uncomfortable," Viggo sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I - uh - d'you want to go get a beer and - uh - talk?" Orlando asked with a smile, suddenly shy.

Viggo looked at Orlando for a moment, a smile slowly spreading across his own face. "Actually, yeah. I think that'd be nice," he murmured. "I've got something I need to check first, if that's okay with you," he cautioned.

Orlando gave him a questioning look. "M'kay. It's fine with me."

"Good," Viggo nodded, shifting one hand from around Orlando's waist to cup his cheek, leaning in for a soft, gentle kiss, unable to keep back a soft moan at the first touch.

Orlando stiffened in surprise for one second, before he melted against Viggo, opening under the kiss. He sighed out a gentle sound, fingers gripping Viggo's shirt as he clung to him, tasting him.

Viggo's thumb brushed Orlando's cheek as he extended the kiss, finally, reluctantly breaking it, lips still brushing against Orlando's. "Okay... all checked out. I think we're good. So, beer?" he whispered, his voice a low rasp.

"Yeah." Orlando husked out, eyes twinkling. Reluctantly he stepped back. "Ready?"

"Yes- no... wait," Viggo stopped Orlando from reaching for the door handle. "I have an idea..."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dom jumped, spilling his beer as the brown paper bag was dropped unceremoniously on the table in front of him and Elijah. "Jesus, Viggo- do you have a stealth setting or something?" he gasped, whipping around and seeing Viggo standing behind him, Orlando just a pace or two behind.

Elijah jumped, squeaking and hoping they weren't about to get flattened. He poked at the bag, a grin on his face. "Sure you guys don't want to take the rest with you? Hmm?"

"What do you mean, the rest of it?" Viggo asked casually. "That would imply we'd actually, well, go ahead and look," he gestured towards the bag.

Elijah frowned and pawed through the bag, looking up quickly. "You didn't use a condom? Aren't you supposed to?"

"Oh for fucks _sake_ Elijah!" Dom grabbed the bag, shuffling through it quickly. "They didn't use anything at all!"

"Well how'd they fuck then?"

Dom sighed, reaching into the bag and grabbing a box of condoms, bouncing them squarely off the center of Elijah's forehead.

"Oww!" Elijah said indignantly.

Orlando laughed and started toward the door. "Dom, we'll leave the rocket scientist there with you. Elijah, it's a good thing you're cute." He said, giggling.

"Lets put it this way, Elijah," Viggo added, joining Orlando. "You're not going to need to use the wet naps on the door."

Elijah blinked. "Ya'll didn't fuck! They scammed us!"

"Thank Christ- thought I'd be pegging you in the head with the warming lube next," Dom muttered.

"See you on set, gentlemen," Viggo called back.

Orlando snorted and then looked at Viggo. "Warming lube?"

Viggo winked at Orlando, unseen to the other two. "Eighteen year old in a sex shop. Enjoy the glow in the dark condoms, Elijah," he said, opening the door and closing it behind them.

Elijah sputtered a bit. "What? They're cool!"

"Elijah, you are just the most clueless wanker that did ever-" Dom cut off, his brow furrowing as he dashed across the room and looking out the window that faced the carport. "Well, I'll be a sonofabitch," he breathed.

"What?" Elijah asked, adding, "And I'm not clueless."

"Oh yeah? Come over here and tell me what looks strange then- quick, before they leave," Dom ordered.

Elijah walked to the window and studied the two men before grabbing Dom's arm. "Holy shit!"

"I know!" Dom stared out the window again, shaking his head in shock. "Unless... maybe they were like that when they got here?"

"Dominic." Elijah said slowly. "Even I'm not clueless enough to think that Viggo would _EVER_ wear a orange shirt with blue penguins on it. Son. Of. A. Bitch. Maybe.. you think...? Nah." He shook his head and then glanced toward the basement door. "Well, thank god we've got the wet naps, just in case."


End file.
